A Guide to Moving in With Roommates for the First Time

If it’s your first time living with roommates, you’re correct to assume there might be some adjustments and unfamiliar scenarios coming your way in this new living situation. From before move-in to move-out, you’ll need to consider your new roommates as you share the space. And although your roommate experience will vary based on who you are and where you live, there are some pieces of advice that will help make the experience as enjoyable and smooth as possible.

If you and your roomies are embarking on the apartment search together, you’ll want to be prepared to conduct the search responsibly and efficiently. Otherwise, it’s easy to end up feeling frustrated or slighted. Here are ways you can protect your happiness and comfort in the apartment search. 

You may want to consider sitting down to discuss your apartment priorities and preferences. Discuss factors that are deal breakers, things you’ll compromise on, and things you’d rather not. That way, when you’re on apartment tours, you’ll already know what each other likes and doesn’t like — so you’ll all be on the same page as you encounter different pros and cons in each place. This should also save you time as you tour. 

Keep track of your tour schedule, realtor contact info, favorite apartments, and important documents in a shared note or spreadsheet where all roommates can see and access them. And remember, these are moments that will lay the foundation for the year — have fun with it, and don’t make any decisions without consulting your roommates. If you notice others making decisions without you, speak up so they know in the future that that’s not okay with you. 

When it comes to paying rent together, you’ll likely be splitting the cost. Many roommates choose to split rent evenly, especially if the rooms are the same size. But there are scenarios where it’s not quite that simple.

If you’re aware one roommate makes significantly more money than you, you may feel as though you should be paying less rent than them — or you might need to. Especially if you’re rooming with trusted friends and feel you might need a rent adjustment, you can choose to talk to them about this. But in any case, it’s best to have that conversation before you sign the lease. Alternatively, there are many ways you can save money and cut down on expenses to be able to split rent evenly.

Whereas income discrepancies are less of a black-and-white issue, room size discrepancies most often require a conversation, even if it’s a brief one. Who will take the bigger room? Will that person pay more in rent? These are potentially awkward conversations to have, so approach the subject with sensitivity and know that you may have to make compromises. For example, if you can’t really afford a higher rent but you want the bigger room, do the responsible thing and let the higher earning roommate pay a bit more to have it (you can even find out the value of each square foot and do the math to optimize fairness).

But if neither of you can afford the bigger room adjustment, you can agree to draw a name out of a hat for the big room and stay the course in splitting rent evenly. When in doubt, keep it simple and know that you may just have to move on if you don’t get what you want. 

Unfortunately, rent isn’t the only thing you’ll be spending money on when you move into your apartment. Here’s some pointers on how to divide out the other costs. 

There are lots of shared items around the house: paper towels, toilet paper, dish detergent, hand towels, vacuum cleaners, silverware, and the list goes on. Did you know that most people prefer to split costs completely evenly with their roommates? If you know your roommates, you can always go to the store together, decide on items you both use every day, and split the cost of your haul. If you don’t know your roommate, you can take initiative before moving in by sending them a list of essential household items to give their approval on. Then, you order them online or go get them, and split the cost. 

There can be a bit more gray area here. If you shower at the gym every single day and eat your meals out due to your busy schedule, for example, you might not feel like you should pay for water. If it’s a deal breaker, you can approach your roommate about finding a solution — but know that small sacrifices like this are also part of living with others. 

Or, maybe in the winter your roommate is the only one who likes to crank up the heat and plug in space heaters, and you might be frustrated that your bills are very high because of their energy usage. This is a situation where you might have to approach your roommate about limiting their energy usage, offer to split the cost of some new blankets for the house, or ask them to pay a bit more of the bill for a couple months. 

As you might be gathering, co-living with roommates peacefully and comfortably is all about boundaries. Besides matters of expense and decision making, here are some boundaries you might have to draw (and respect) — whether you’re living with strangers or your best friends.

When it comes to living room and kitchen activity, don’t overthink it — if you feel like you’re interrupting a small social gathering, getting in someone’s way while they’re cooking, disturbing their peace with high noise levels, or something else, use discretion and know that it might be a situation where you have to spend a bit of time somewhere else in the living space until they’re done. That’s an example of respecting their boundaries.

That being said, you deserve to set boundaries for those shared spaces as well. If you feel like your roommate is having a lot of dates or social gatherings or bringing over a significant other very often in a common space, for example, ask calmly and kindly if they can occasionally move those gatherings to someone else’s house or another location. There’s always a middle ground to be found.

If you and your roommate are friends, you’ll likely want to spend time together in your apartment. Many times, watching movies together, cooking meals together, and cleaning together might sound like fun ideas. It’s one of the perks of cohabitation, after all. But on other days, either you or your roommate might want some alone time, to have some quiet time while cooking, or be in the bedroom with the door closed. Respect each other’s choices and don’t force anyone to re-route their at-home plans.

You can always invite them to hang out or ask them if they’re busy, but the most healthy roommate dynamics are ones where you can feel comfortable saying “no” to each other. It’ll make saying “yes” much more natural and genuine, and allow you to feel the joy of a healthy and communicative roommate relationship. 

Cleanliness is one of the biggest points of contention for roommates — so you’ll want to figure out whether you and your potential roommate are a match in terms of how much mess you’ll tolerate before you actually move in together. If you’re a neat freak, it’s probably not in your best interest to move in with someone who doesn’t mind a little clutter. If you've already moved in, sit down together and decide how you’ll handle chores, whether you’re both fine playing it by ear or if you want to follow a cleaning schedule in your new home. Just don’t start hiding your dishes in your room or leaning into other passive, more emotional responses to mess; a more upfront approach is better to resolving issues with housemates, according to experts.

Moving in with roommates for the first time will be a big adjustment, especially if you’ve only ever lived alone or with family members. However, there are a lot of benefits to cohabitation aside from cost-splitting. Many people even become lifelong friends or romantic partners with their roommates. There are a few ways to ensure your roommate pick isn’t doomed from the start. For one, you can make sure you and your roommate are compatible before moving in. After that, make sure to follow the best practices outlined in this article to avoid roommate conflict from the start.